I guess there is no real piont to this blog

I should really try to update this thing more :-\
gr

well anyway , I just wanted to drop a note to all ya'll in Blogger land , and the few of u who I'm privileged enough for you to stalk me :D

How are u guys doing !?!?!? me? well.... lolz, I guess the statement of "I really don't see how things could get anybetter" applys.

I'm having an AMAZINg time :D 2009 is turning out to be so much cooler than first expected.

Fantine was telling me the other day that I better watch out , cuz somthing insane is bond to happen soon - BUT THATs NOT EVEN THE POINT!!!!! the point is that things ARE falling down around me, that my life is a tottal and utter MESS , the fact that I don't think I've ever had this much drama happen , the fact that School work is piling up , and the fact that I'm REALLY starting to get ticked and worryed about what I'm doing with the rest of my life , Yet - I am remaining calm :D I'm stepping back , *Dane cook accent* assessing the Situation , and taking things one step at a time :D

the weird news is - is my life is about to get crazyer
April I have Meetings , ACT's (merfh) CHICAGO! , Tournaments , Teen pact and a bunch of other crap in between

SO - I'll try to update ya as much as possible
Pray for me though , I think I'm closer right now then I've ever been to God.... but I still have a Long Long way to go :D

<3 ya'llz

~ The socialized Homeschooler

I did somthing last night , that I've never done before..

....never in my life , have a felt like this...

never have I been at a lost for words....

never in my life have a had no Idea what to do....who to turn to...

I can't complain , life is pretty good , but it's the problems , the ppl who come into it..the fact that I would gladly take the problems , to have the ppl in my life ......

the fact that ppl turn to me for their problems..to help them... and I feel so terrible cuz I don't know what to do..or say..

the fact that ppl I thought would be out of my life forever , ppl I wanted out of my life...somehow get back into it....

the fact that no matter what I do , where I turn...someone , will get hurt.....................................................................

I did something last night , that has never happened to me before...................... after the few unexpected phone calls.......and talks.......
I stayed up....all night long..I tried to sleep ...but 15 min. later , I woke up ...restless , unable to clear my head of the thoughts that ppl had entered into it...thinking of every possible way I could aviod it , or keep it , or ignore it

so all night long , I buzyed myself with things...I won 2 out of 40 games of solitaire ..... wrote a bunch of words and poems into my book ....and worked on Sci. labs.....
but around 5 in the morning...it dawned on me , I started in the wrong place......the one person I should have turned to .....when all my freinds were asleep , as well as my parents...but the one person that wasn't...the one person who could have settled my soul , was awake , the whole time..there , beside me.....

I made a huge mistake..in the fact that I didn't turn to God in the first place.....

I figured..better late then never , so..I sat against the wall , with Sierra asleep in my lap ...and prayed

I did'nt know what to say , considering , I don't know what to do , or even how to explain it...but for the first time since 9 p.m that night...........I felt comforted ............

well....the sad news is , I still didn't get any sleep...and have been awake since 8 o'clock Wend. morning ;-)

but , it helped...and I still don't know what to do , I'm still lost , cuz....I hate hurting ppl..and I hate seeing them hurt.....and I'll do anything not to hurt them , even if I in turn suffer....

but......my mind is clearer...and I know God will be there , with me...no matter what happens
( funny , John was just telling me this a few days ago ;) ..... I don't listen very well )


Luv u all...please keep me in ur prays
~Mika

One person

ain't it funny how one person can have so much sway on your life

how you can go from being on Cloud 9 , and smiling like an idiot for no reason at all.....too just wanting to bite everyones head off , and hide in a corner and never come out...

all because of ONE person?????

not a multitude...one

and how that ONE person won't even know that they have so much effect on you

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worse yet , you can't tell them.....cuz at the moment , you don't even want to talk to them..because they did this to you..and they don't know it.
and you don't know how ANYONE COULD BE SOOOO BLIND !!!!!!
even worse....you don't know how you could have ever let this happen to you....cuz you said you wouldn't let it happen......

but to bad

it did

I care....

...to much

this isn't a bad thing...I'm not saying it's a bad thing...

but it is when I can't get my stuff done , or cuz I lose sleep at night because of someone else's problems.....

I just care to much

it hurts me to see when my friends are depressed...or hurting...

even though it prolly should'nt
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I've been so caught up in everyone else's problems...I did see the ones arising in my own life
now, I can't get out of them...I have to plow through em
theres no way of getting around it....

this shall be a test

of faith

of endurance

of trust

........................................................................................gosh I wish I had a time machine :/

I'm telling my problems to a person I thought wanted nothing to do with me ....

I never thought it would happen....but it has :)

If you want me to

....so this is kinda an Cont. of the last post

the way I've been brought up....or rather , the people I've been brought up around, I been taught that Music IS emotion....and there is pretty much a song out there for almost anything you are feeling.

well....for many years , I felt that my Theme song would be " My place in this World" By Taylor Swift.....and that still holds true

but tonight I was driving down the road , and this song came on the radio...I felt like crying inside....if explains my situation as of now ...or ...How I am looking at it , put it that way

so with the help of Google , and projectplaylist :) I found the song !....

so here it is .


~Mika

( REAL post coming soon )

IF THAT DOES'NT WORK ( cuz it's not showin up on my computer )
>>>>>>CLICK HERE !!!! <<<<<

Guess what !!!!!!!!!!

Hey everyone ,

so , I've never really been a happy-joy person.....well , let me rephrase that...MOST PEOPLE think I'm a over all happy person ...I personally...don't....
I Love the little things in like , a smile , a hug , a babys laugh

But it I get depressed...really really really easily , over the dumbest things.....

Such as this past year

2007 was an extremely hard year for me , I was faced with alot of challenges..more than normal that is .... everything was AMAZING till the end of summer....I mean , I had the most amazing people around....the most amazing PERSON in the world by my side , and my Best freind Patrick to share it all with me.....

but it always amazes me how fast things can change , in a blink of an eye ( or shall we say one week ) the Friends I thought I would have forever , left me , abandon me .

The person who I looked up to and trusted.....did the same

and the hardest hit of all...was my best friend found no reason for living anymore .......I look back now , and...I don't Blame myself for his death , cuz...I know it wasn't me....but , I just feel like I could have been there more , instead of just...being their when I got around to it...
anyway , that's not the point

the point is , after that week , I turned my back on my friends ( the ones I still had left ) , my family.....and Yes , even God.....

I hated life , I really didn't know why God would make me go through all of that...it didn't make sense....and I DIDN'T like it ....

However , looking back 4 months....I know why now !!!!!!!....I know why he put me through it all

3 words people !

I AM STRONGER

not only that , but in the past 3 months I have been able to hold out my hand to people who have gone through the same thing.

I learned first hand , that God doesn't put us through problems he doesn't think we can't face . everything we go through , we go through FOR A REASON ....and he plans it that way.

through this hardship..not only have a gained TRUE friends , I have learned to trust God , and know that he will help me through things

now

am I perfect ????...well...NO !!!!!!....I still fight with my parents , I still struggle in school , and I still make wrong decisions , but God is not done with me yet................

Guess what !!!

He's not done with you either ;-)

~Mika